Currently Listening The Execution of All Things By Rilo Kiley see related

BETTER SON/DAUGHTER

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move.
Awake, but cannot open my eyes.
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs, I know I can't breath.
And hope someone will save me this time.
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time.
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that God never blessed her insides.
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting
Things and crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you loved things just because
Like the sick and the dying.

And sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along and they love you.
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence.

But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to and you'll show up to work with a smile
You'll be better and you'll be smarter and more grown up
And a better daughter or son and a real good friend
And you'll be awake, you'll be alert, you'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
You'll be a real good listener, you'll be honest, you'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful.
You'll be happy.

This about sums it up. Except for the whole mom calling you insane and high. Its more like dad calling you insane and telling you that everything he's ever promised you in life he is going back on. Also, that he could careless about what makes you happy and that he thinks your going to fail at life. So this is how it is for me as of late. I constantly feel like I have to be better, like I'm never good enough. I've finally realized why. It's because I'm not good enough in the eyes of my Father. Self-deprecation is a bitch. Oh, and the realization that the relationship you though you had with your father is a lie, that's also a bitch.

So, I'll just keep on acting like I don't care, like we really do love and accept each other as we are. I'll just fake. Its fine. We've been doing it forever.

Money is the root of all evil.

I got a fucking parking ticket today. Ol'Pop isn't going to be to happy.

It's not like it can get any worse.

Currently Listening The Moldy Peaches By The Moldy Peaches see related

So, last Friday I went to this art/fetish/erotic show called Biting the Apple ( I'm not turning into so kind of sex freak I promise, although I do wonder when that bondage swing I ordered is going to come in. Some friends of mine from the museum had art work in it). Anyway, we had pre-gamed it over at Dudley's before heading to the show so I was a little intoxicated by the time we got there (the free jello shots that were being freely served to minors didn't help my situation). To make a long story short, the night included; being felt up in a trash bag room with not by Patrick, stealing colored condoms out of a papermache vagina, leaving those condoms in the sugar caddy at Flips, and finally being called a stupid whore by a woman selling lingerie out of a plastic sack. It was a wonderful night. I wish I had pictures but I don't.

Other then that school has been a huge bother. I have two huge mid-terms this week. I already took half of one which sucked but I think I got an A or B. I get my geology lab test back today which is going to suck. Sandra and I are the bad kids in class who try to leave early every time and do shotty work. Our very insecure TA (she is really similar to the girl on Mean Girls who has a wide set vagina) writes notes on our papers like, "if you all didn't concentrate on leaving and more on you work you would do better". I hate that. Those notes. This is my second time to get a note on a paper like that from a professor. Damn, I must suck.

Well, that's enough. I need to eat now.

Currently Reading Salvation on Sand Mountain : Snake-Handling and Redemption in Southern Appalachia By Dennis Covington see related

I went mad cleaning last night. For real my room is spotless, so is the bath room. Seriously it looks amazing. I would post up pictures but, hahahaha, I lost my new camera. How sad is that? I got if for Christmas and now it is gone. The thing is, I'm just not good with small electronical devices. We all remember what happened this past summer on the way back from New York. One to many Dramamine and you leave your ipod on a plane headed to Illinois and never to see it again. Damn.

In other news I had a study abroad interview yesterday that could not have gone worse. First of all the interviewers were Dr.s from the classics and psychology departments and a grad student from the cultural studies department who were seated at the end of a very long table surrounded by swarms of important looking documents. Well, the interview started out ok. They asked me about my art history and things like that and after about 5 or 6 art history questions they bombard me with, "So, while your abroad lots of people are going to ask you how you feel about American foreign policy, how will you respond"? WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! I paused for a good 10 seconds, turned a lovely shade of red, and proceeded to go into to rant about how I am a liberal open minded person who doesn't argue with people. Then after some awkward pause by them they added "And how would your response act as ambassador to the United States and to OU". Please. I hate them. I hate everything about them. Whatever, there is always the KU program. I sent the application off yesterday.

What a beautiful day it is. 

Random PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is where I want to work. It's called Green Acers. It's a natural food store in Wichita.

above left: This is Grant sleeping on crazy sheets with sunglasses before our trip to Tulsa.

above right: Happy faces on the way to Tulsa. What a change from the one on the left.

                           Sting Rays at the Oklahoma Aquarium in Jenks!!!

                                                 And little turtles.

Wow, Our one year anniversary. Crazy.

 I think we'll end with a huge picture of

                                                                            my dad. Good bye.